Alberta Just Dropped the Biggest Energy Glow-Up of 2025 and It’s Serving ✨Main Character Energy✨

Justin Plosz
Nov 27
2 min read

CALGARY, Nov 27 - Bro, stop scrolling. Prime Minister Mark “I used to run the Bank of England but now I run the vibes” Carney and Premier Danielle “don’t mess with my trucks” Smith just signed the most chaotic-good deal in Canadian history, and your group chat is NOT ready.

Here’s the TL;DR in Gen Z bullet format so you don’t have to read like it’s 2012:

🧢 No more oil & gas production cap

Translation: Alberta said “bet” and turned the taps to 100. We’re about to pump so hard OPEC is gonna slide into our DMs asking for tips.

⚡️ No more net-zero power rules choking the grid

Your electricity bill is about to lose weight faster than someone on Ozempic. Industries are already packing U-Hauls to move here because power is about to be cheaper than a Tim’s iced cap in July.

🛢️ NEW 1 MILLION+ barrel/day pipeline straight to Asia

That’s one million barrels every single day getting on a boat to Korea, Japan, and whoever pays the most. We’re basically becoming the hottest new K-pop group but instead of choreography we export dilbit.

🚢 400K extra barrels on the Trans Mountain Expansion (TMX)

TMX is getting absolutely swole. Think pipeline gym bro who finally hit his bulk era.

⛴️ Deep-water ports on the West Coast are now UNBANNED for oil tankers

Yes, you read that right. The feds just told the old tanker ban to “touch grass” and opened the ocean like it’s Coachella VIP. Double-hulled ships only, chill, we’re not monsters.

What does this actually mean for you, the broke-but-optimistic Zoomer?

20,000+ new jobs that pay more than your landlord charges in rent

Gas could actually drop below $1.30 again (manifesting)

Alberta’s economy about to pull a 2010 Justin Bieber career trajectory: from underrated to global domination

Indigenous communities getting equity stakes so the wealth actually spreads instead of just dripping on Bay Street

Your cousin who “works up in Fort Mac” is about to be richer than your crypto bro friend in 2021 (dangerous levels of rich)

Mark Carney literally said: “This is energy security that slaps.”

Danielle Smith hit back with: “We’re back, baby, and we brought receipts.”

Moral of the story: Alberta just speed-ran a redemption arc harder than any Netflix villain. The province that everyone roasted for five years is now the main character, and the plot armor is federal backing.

So yeah, while the rest of the world is crying about energy prices, Alberta’s over here like:

“New pipeline, who dis?” 🗿💸

Save this post, send it to the group chat, and watch your uncle who still uses Facebook lose his mind in the comments.

You’re welcome Canada🛢️✨